Not Your Average Mommy Blogger

19, Married, Son...The rest are just small details right now.

Friday, February 10, 2006

It's not always rainbows and butterflies.

Okay so I haven't become a better blogger in the last week. Reason pretty much is, I was hoping that by starting this blog I would be able to express to the world how interesting and happy about life I am. As it turns out, I am neither of these things. So here is my truth for today, the things I haven't wanted to blog about but I guess I will anyway.

My marriage is utterly ridiculous right now. In the last week we have fought to the point where I just don't want to be around my husband anymore. My best friend Catherine offered for me to move to Indiana and live with her, and I've considered it. Will just doesn't provide for our family like I want him to. A part time job isn't what makes someone a man, and his attitude doesn't help things. I love him, but at times I truly believe that marrying him was a mistake.

Pregnancy is not at all what I imagined. Against all better judgement, we planned to have this baby. Neither of us expected that after a month I would be pregnant. Looking back it was just a hasty decision. I love our baby more than anything, but things are hard. I always imagined that it would be so exciting, and I would spend time with friends who cared about me, buying baby clothes and being excited. No one has time for all that, least of all myself.

I'm not sure if hormones have made me as crazy as I've been lately, or if this is just me, under extreme stress. A little of both, maybe. But if I don't start feeling better soon after the baby is born I'm planning on seeing a doctor and getting on medication. Because anything is better than this.

Yeah, things aren't pretty.


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