Not Your Average Mommy Blogger

19, Married, Son...The rest are just small details right now.

Friday, February 10, 2006

To Do...

Well as life would have it I'm too lazy to actually write a To Do List. But I do have lot's to do, so I'll blog it. Maybe this way I'll actually remember.

  1. Buy a "take-me-home" outfit for Little Bear.
  2. Buy a diaper bag, at least until Catherine gets me that Coach one that she promised. (Note: I'm not holding my breath, but it would be a nice gesture...)
  3. Buy a fucking travel system like I've been trying to do for months now. At the rate I'm going my baby will never get to travel.
  4. Separate baby clothes into what can be worn right after birth and what can't. Wash clothes that will be worn the soonest.
  5. Go to Once Upon a Child in hopes of finding a nice cradle swing.
  6. Search for some sort of baby dresser, hopefully one that can double as a night stand.
  7. Paint toenails, these things I have now are not so attractive to look at.
  8. Take decent picture with Will, to be printed out in black and white and put in a nice frame.
  9. See friends that I probably won't see so much after Little Bear is born.
  10. Force Will to name Little Bear so I can stop calling him Little Bear, what is he, a character in a children's book for God's sake?
  11. Clean my room before it is labeled a hazardous waste site.

I think that's actually everything that I feel the need to do really soon. Oh shit, and I need to preregister at the hospital. And see if the pediatrician is accepting new patients. And set up a WIC appointment...

It's not always rainbows and butterflies.

Okay so I haven't become a better blogger in the last week. Reason pretty much is, I was hoping that by starting this blog I would be able to express to the world how interesting and happy about life I am. As it turns out, I am neither of these things. So here is my truth for today, the things I haven't wanted to blog about but I guess I will anyway.

My marriage is utterly ridiculous right now. In the last week we have fought to the point where I just don't want to be around my husband anymore. My best friend Catherine offered for me to move to Indiana and live with her, and I've considered it. Will just doesn't provide for our family like I want him to. A part time job isn't what makes someone a man, and his attitude doesn't help things. I love him, but at times I truly believe that marrying him was a mistake.

Pregnancy is not at all what I imagined. Against all better judgement, we planned to have this baby. Neither of us expected that after a month I would be pregnant. Looking back it was just a hasty decision. I love our baby more than anything, but things are hard. I always imagined that it would be so exciting, and I would spend time with friends who cared about me, buying baby clothes and being excited. No one has time for all that, least of all myself.

I'm not sure if hormones have made me as crazy as I've been lately, or if this is just me, under extreme stress. A little of both, maybe. But if I don't start feeling better soon after the baby is born I'm planning on seeing a doctor and getting on medication. Because anything is better than this.

Yeah, things aren't pretty.

Friday, February 03, 2006


Yes, I am still alive.

I apologize for being such an awful blogger, and if everyone forgives me I promise to do better in the future.

The last few days have been awful. I'm so uncomfortable and sore all over and it's just not getting better at all. And I am a huge baby, so the pain has greatly incapacitated me. Nothing was worse than when my doctor's office sent me to the county hospital yesterday because my doctor was supposedly gonna be there. That was just the last straw in my attempting to make the best out of things.

First of all, let me say that my mother has given me all kinds of shit for not wanting to deliver at this hospital. She had me there, so if it was good enough for me to be born there so it should be good enough for my baby. We have argued endlessly about this, with me telling her that it's "ghetto" and it's not good enough for me or my child. Well I think yesterday finally shut her up.

The lobby of the hospital was gorgeous, the floors recently waxed, everything looking clean. Then we go downstairs to labor and delivery, and it's like a black hole. There's some sort of smell, I'm not quite sure what it was but it was just...bad. Then we go back to the waiting room, which is also the exam room. Basically, there's a room with a bunch of chairs scattered around the front, and two of those sheet divider thingies. Everyone is on top of each other, and when you walk you hear that sound. I'm not sure how to type it, but it's like "WSHHKKK WSSSHHHKK", you know, where your feet are kinda sticking to the floor. Yeah, disgusting. They hooked me up to a monitor for like 45 minutes, and told me I was "just pregnant". Also, the emergency breathing machine next to my "bed" (it was more of a ripped apart cot) was covered in dust and some sort of debris. Ugh. Oh, and also, my doctor wasn't even there. Stupid receptionist.

Needless to say, I declined a pelvic exam. It was bad enough that I was half undressed in there, but there was no way I was gonna be violated by a doctor that barely spoke English, in a room surrounded by crack whores. I'm never going to that hospital again, I don't care if Jesus Christ himself is supposed to be there.