Not Your Average Mommy Blogger

19, Married, Son...The rest are just small details right now.

Friday, January 27, 2006

A trip down memory lane, anyone?

Okay, now for a visit back to high school, because that's pretty much all this is...

I think that people in general just really don't like me. I pretend to be okay with it, like Why do I care if some bitch doesn't like me, but it really bothers me to hear that someone I never had any problem with is saying bad things about me (and my husband, who she doesn't even know).

I warned you in advance, this is very Dawson's Creek/One Tree Hill/whatever teen show is popular these days.

For over a year during my junior and senior years of high school, I worked at a food service place in a college town. There was one girl that worked there the whole time I was there, and I'm pretty sure she still works there. We used to talk semi-a lot. I always thought she was kind of a loser, but she was always really nice so I was always really nice back. Not the kind of person I'd hang out with outside of work, but she seemed like a really sweet person. Other people at our job would say bad things about her, and all I ever said was that she was really sweet. It was the truth. I could have nitpicked at her annoying personality traits, but there was no point.

Last weekend, Will and I went out with a few of his friends. One of them informed us that this girl went on about a 10 minute tangent about how much she hated me, and then tore into my "stupid husband". It really hurt my feelings that he told me that, and I'm not sure if it was hormones but I'm pretty sure I've always been this sensitive.

And then, I thought about going to see the girl and punching her in her fucking face. That's what happend with the last person that ran their mouth about my husband. But then I remembered that I'm not in school anymore, I'm pregnant, and violence isn't the answer. But a girl can daydream, right?

I was never told what she actually said, but I have a good idea. I used to think that I was better than people like me, too. That is, until I became who I am. I got screwed out of college because of several things that I don't want to go into right now. As soon as I turned 18, I got a tattoo on my lower back that incorporates my name and Will's. About a month later, I got married. A month after that, I got pregnant. I still live at home with my parents, because it's a lot easier to save money when we don't have to pay rent. I'm sure a lot of people would consider me "white trash". Will wears bandannas regularly, has a big tattoo of my name going down his forearm, and wears Tupac shirts. A lot of people would look at him and think he was "trashy" too. Fuck em.

My own insecurities probably contribute to how upset I get to hear that someone talks badly about me and my family. But that doesn't change the fact that I try to be a good person. I'm just afraid of falling into a hole, where I'm never good enough for anyone, most importantly, myself.

I did a lot of crazy things in high school, and I figured somehow that graduating and having a life of my own would elminate the pettiness. It's clear that I was wrong. I have a lot of growing to do, but I think it's safe to say that I've done more than a good percentage of other people my age have. Now I just need to quit caring about their opinions, and I think I'll be okay..


At 10:53 AM, Blogger jude said...

Awesome job in taking the high road!!!

Your non-reaction to this girl is great proof to how much (and how quickly) you are transitioning into being a mature adult woman, wife and mommy!

You are totally justified to get fired-up when anyone talks trash about your family!

You are a good person and if you keep listening to your conscience, you'll grow out of caring what other people's opinions are!!!


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